APOLLO 18

Directed by: Gonzalo Lopez-Gallego
Released: 2011

meh. it was ok. it should have been much, much scarier than it was ... i mean, what's scarier than having some weird creature(s) trying to kill you while you're in fucking SPACE? i can't think of much, personally. the acting was decent enough, and the tension created by two guys stuck in a tiny space station was good (especially because of the camera angles they were forced to use), but there were plotholes you could drive a bus through. the biggest offender: "no one returned from this mission" and "there's a reason we never went back to the moon" .. ok, so, no one came back, and no one ever went back up... yet we have "80+ hours of footage" that these guys shot and left on the moon? 5/10.

THE HUMAN CENTIPEDE 2: FULL SEQUENCE

Directed by: Tom Six
Released: 2011

THC2 was an entirely unnecessary film. the first film ended without a cliffhanger, and the story was wrapped up. it was done. there was no need for a second film.

that said, THC2 was great.

it's a simple premise: an awkward, creepy, semi-retarded loner who lives with his mother and works the night shift in a UK parking garage is so obsessed with the film "the human centipede" that he decides to try and make one of his own......with twelve people. unlike the doctor in the first film, this guy has no medical or surgical training, which ups the gore factor ten fold. rather than surgically sewing people ass-to-mouth, he bashes their teeth out with a hammer (pictured), then uses an industrial strength staple gun to attach what's left of the person's lips to the ass in front of them. the whole ordeal is extremely gruesome, and there were many scenes that made me squirm (i can't handle any kind of tooth extraction, especially when they're being smashed with a hammer). there's very little dialogue in the movie, and the main character never speaks; he only grunts, moans, and cries.

it's a bleak, violent and disgusting film. at times, it goes so over the top that you can't help but laugh. i loved it. 7/10.